Over the last few days, my wife and I have gotten in on a little baby registry action at Babies R Us and Target. In general, it’s been exciting to whip out the scanner like a six shooter and scan whatever suits my fancy (it’s harder to delete items at Babies R Us, though, so I didn’t let things get too out of hand). But there’s a part of me that wonders if I’m ready for the financial impact of this baby.
Last month I wrote about our debt situation, and more recently I wrote about the awesome things we’re going to do about it. In the end, of course, it will all be worth it 🙂 That I know without a doubt. Definitely don’t get me wrong there.
But I’m glad we’re in the frugal mindset we’re in right now, because according to Babies R Us and Co, your baby won’t be happy unless you buy every product on their shelves. And there are some pretty stupid things on their shelves. (For those of you who actually use any of these products, don’t be offended. I’m not judging you. Also, it’s OK for you to disagree. We can still be friends.)
Baby Wipes Warmer
When I saw this, actually laughed out loud. Are we really that afraid to allow our children to experience any sort of discomfort? Man, if so, I can’t wait to see what sort of generation of pansies we’re raising right now. I also wouldn’t look forward to my child ever having any need for a diaper change in a public place, because I’m pretty darn sure that baby is going to be pissed when his butt gets cleaned with ice cold wipes. Unless, of course, we’re crazy enough to keep it on hand at all times, along with a mini-generator. Seriously, I wouldn’t put it past some people. Teach your kids to be tough. Give them those ice cold wipes.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but buying shoes for an infant is akin to buying shoes for a mermaid. They can’t walk, people. And if I remember correctly, that’s what shoes are for. And I know those $20 two-inch long pair of Timberland hiking boots you bought last week are totes adorbs. But guess what? Your child has already outgrown them. Oh, and if you do happen to go as far as buying your baby these high heels, I may have to retract that statement about us remaining friends.
This one I’m actually being overruled on, but I still have my opinion and my opinion will be heard! Seriously, though. Those cutesy $15 towels/washcloths are just as good as the ones you already have in your house. I know they don’t have cookie monster or a whale on them, but trust me. Your child really doesn’t give a crap. Sure, the baby version of these products are softer than what you have at home. But I can’t for the life of me picture George Washington being put out because his mom didn’t bathe and dry him using washcloths and towels made of bamboo or Turkish cotton.
I can’t help but giggle inside when I hear pee-pee teepee, partially because I’m still immature, but also because it’s absolutely ridiculous. One thing I’ve learned from watching my 13 nieces and nephews grow up is that every child is born with Tourettes. They’re constantly making the most random (and sometimes) violent movements, sometimes for no reason at all. I guarantee you no pee-pee teepee is going to keep that pee from getting in your mouth. If you do happen to have an infant who becomes paralyzed whenever you change his diaper, just throw a baby wipe over the area. That way you don’t even have to wash it afterward.
Expensive Baby Bedding
As soon as you get that baby home from the hospital, you’ll read or hear from someone else that those bumpers meant to keep your baby from whacking his or her noggin on the crib slats can actually suffocate them. Boom, it’s in the garbage. Then you hear that having a blanket in the crib is also a suffocation hazard. Let’s just put that on the rocking chair, shall we? Then you’ve got this annoying blanket pushing your head forward every time you sit in the chair. All you have left is the fitted bed sheet, which will likely get destroyed with urine and feces. There goes the cute factor.
This list could actually go on and on, but I’m sure you have better things to do today. The more I experience in this whole baby preparation business, though, the more I realize that these companies are really really good at convincing parents-to-be to buy unnecessary things. It doesn’t help that being an overprotective parent is becoming less and less crazy and more the norm. If you’re in debt like us, you simply can’t afford to get caught up in all the superfluous and grossly overpriced junk that isn’t going to contribute anything toward your baby’s health or happiness.
What ridiculous baby products have you seen? Are there any things you think I really should buy for my baby?